BUSH'S CAMPAIGN FOR SENATOR SANTORUM IS SO LOW-KEY, NO ONE KNOWS HE'S CAMPAIGNING

SEWICKLY HEIGHTS - President Bush made a secret visit to the home of businessman Richard Simmons in the posh Pittsburgh suburb of Sewickly Heights Friday night to attend a fundraiser for Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who trails his Democratic challenger, Bob Casey, in the polls by double-digit margins. With Bush's popularity at an all-time low, the Republican party decided that having Bush openly campaign for Santorum would do the Senator more harm than good, so the President kept a low profile on this trip.

Bush eschewed the de rigueur limosine motorcade to Simmons' house in favor of a yellow cab ride. Cabdriver Bob Haas, Pittsburgh's so-called "cabdriver to the stars," was tapped to transport the first citizen. "Sinatra tipped better," was all that Haas would say.

Bush arrived at the Simmons' mansion before the other guests and was immediately whisked into a closet off the main room where he hid alone, in the dark, for the remainder of the evening. Secret service agents hovered outside throughout the fundraiser, and none of the guests realized that the President of the United States was secreted inside. Twice during the course of the evening Bush yelled from inside the closet in a high-pitched, unrecognizable voice: "Vote for Santorum! Vote for Santorum!" That was the extent of the President's contribution at the fundraiser.

When Bush arrived back in Washington, he told reporters that his time in the closet "made me appreciate what those brokeback cowboys went through all those years they spent in there."