WASHINGTON, D.C. - The National Guard is warning Americans within the 48 contiguous states to be extremely cautious this afternoon in light of news that Chief Justice John Roberts escaped from a Maine hospital this morning by diving out of a second story window.
Witnesses say the jurist landed on his head, appeared to be stunned for several seconds, then stood up and ran into nearby woods. Roberts is unarmed but considered dangerous because of his extreme intelligence.
President Bush recorded a television message to be broadcast on all major networks urging Roberts to turn himself in. "John, you're sick, John," the President implored. "You've got to let us help you. Give himself up, John. You need help."