PITTSBURGH - The Pittsburgh Pirates this morning announced a stunning trade that will send Freddy Sanchez, Jason Bay, Zach Duke, Sean Casey, Jose Castillo, Jack Wilson, Jose Bautista and Ronny Paulino to an undisclosed team that General Manager Dave Littlefield said plays in a ballpark next to an Iowa cornfield, in exchange for eight unnamed players. Littlefield refused to discuss how the deal came about, but persons who asked not to be identified told this news source that Littlefield had been hearing a disembodied "voice" for the past several weeks that instructed him to make the trade.
Littlefield was tight-lipped about the players the Pirates are acquiring but hinted that one of them has a lifetime batting average of .356 and doesn't like to wear shoes.
The eight Pirates being traded were taken to Iowa this morning in a van operated by two men who resemble actors Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones.
