CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL WILL NOT REPORT THAT UTAH MALL KILLER WAS MUSLIM

COMMENTARY - This news service announced today that it will not report the fact that 18-year-old Sulejman Talovic, who killed five people before he was shot to death in a crowded Salt Lake City shopping mall, was a Muslim.

"It simply is not pertinent to this story that this young Muslim fanatic, who was bent on killing as many innocent Americans as possible with the same Islamic zeal as his September 11 Muslim brethren, was a Muslim," said Carbolic Smoke Ball Editor Judge Rufus Peckham. "Therefore, we will not report, nor will we even mention, that this young Muslim fanatic was, in fact, a Muslim."

The FBI has ruled out Islamic terrorism as a motive for the killings. Judge Peckham said he accepts this characterization, "as far-fetched as that might sound to an objectively reasonable person."