PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh police are attributing at least thirteen suicides, including that of Bradleys Roadhouse, 17, who posed for the above photograph before plunging himself into the Allegheny River, to a depressing blog entry posted yesterday at 2 political junkies. The entry vividly chronicled the dismal state of both local and national political affairs in what mental health specialists are characterizing as grim, anhedonic terms.Dr. Noah Swayne of Western Psychiatric Institute explained that the blog entry "has gripped Western Pennsylvania in a sort-of mass hysteria" that is unique to the region. In fact, he said, "Pittsburgh hasn't felt such gloom since October 14, 1992, the day Sid Bream lumbered home from second ahead of a feeble and inaccurate Barry Bonds throw on Francisco Cabrera's single to left." Dr. Swayne theorized that "the Svengali-like editors of the blog [dayvoe and Maria], who call themselves 'Proud Members of the Reality-Based Community' and who pass themselves off as leftwingers, are in actuality the Jim Joneses of Pittsburgh."
Bloggers PittGirl and Ms. Monongahela are standing by to counsel those persons seriously considering taking their own lives due to the blog entry. Dr. Swayne urges the depressed who contact the two counselors to "be on guard and not say anything goofy, or they may end up having a story written about them."
