TRUMP NOMINATES JUDGE WAPNER TO REPLACE JUSTICE KENNEDY

President touts jurist's speedy resolution of cases--"two in a half hour, with commercials!"


SCIENTIST: 'BE THANKFUL' OUR SKIN ISN'T MADE OF SPONGE MATERIAL WHEN IT RAINS

Prof. Noah Swayne, Scientist
Guest Commentary by Scientist Noah Swayne - Have you ever thought about how lucky we are to have skin? I mean from a SCIENTIFIC perspective? 

Have you ever considered what would happen if our bodies were covered with sponge-like material instead? 

Well, I have! 

In a heavy rain, our bodies would absorb so much water that our weight would NEARLY DOUBLE. We would collapse on the floor in a wet puddle due to the added weight. We would need to get a (dried out!) friend to squeeze the water out of us just so we could stand up and walk around the room! 

So the next time someone says that it would be "better" if our bodies were covered with sponge-like material instead of skin, just point out these simple SCIENTIFIC facts!

Man uses 13,000-year-old tools to fix Pinto


PITTSBURGH - Landscapers digging a fish pond in Noah Swayne’s front yard last week found a cache of 13,000-year-old tools buried by ice age hunter-gatherers.

Swayne immediately grabbed the rock-like instruments and went to work on his long-idled ‘73 Pinto. Now he claims that the tools are the only ones capable of fixing the old car.

“I’d given up on the damn thing,” said Swayne, “but with these tools, I was able to fix everything in about a half hour.”

Archaeologists are urging Swayne to donate the tools to a museum. 

“All in good time,” said Swayne. “I can’t give them away for as long as I own the Pinto.”