THE CARBOLIC SMOKE BALL MAYORAL POLL IS CLOSED AND WE HAVE A WINNER . . .

Our scientific Carbolic Smoke Ball mayoral poll is now closed, and it has produced some surprising results. Professor Emcee Square, the ghoulish host of WBGN's "It's Alive," won in a landslide. He garnered 64% of the vote. The poll had a margin of error of .0005 %. Here are the startling results: