PROFS SAY DEATH PREFERABLE TO TEACHING PRIVILEGED WHITE MALES
DURHAM, N.C. - The 88 Duke University professors who signed off on an ad in the Duke Chronicle last year that many interpreted as condemning three Duke lacrosse players accused of rape before the facts were adjudicated committed suicide last night in a bizarre ceremony purposefully reminiscent of Jonestown.
The group members had been distraught since the prosecution's case unraveled and the players were acquitted last spring, but insiders say they were pushed over the edge last Friday when ex-District Attorney Mike Nifong was held in contempt of court for lying to the court in the course of the case.
"They decided suicide was preferable to facing another group of incoming misogynist, patriarchal, racist, privileged white male students," one faculty member said on condition of anonymity.
Duke's President Richard Broadhead said he was both saddened and angry over the suicides. "They [the Group of 88] knew in their hearts that these young men were guilty. The fact that they had no evidence for that conclusion completely misses the point. These brave souls should be honored precisely because they did not allow the facts to get in the way of a larger truth," said Broadhead.
Broadhead bitterly denounced both the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution that guarantee due process, explaining "it was those damned [Constitutional] provisions that allowed these sneering, snivelling [lacrosse players] to slip free of being sacrificed on the altar of political correctness to atone for the sins of the patriarchy. That's what drove [the 88] to this." Broadhead slammed his little first on his desk. "Damn it, if I had those three here, I'd castrate them myself, I'm so mad."
Broadhead pointed out it didn't help matters that five days after the acquittal, Seung-Hui Cho went on a killing rampage at Virginia Tech. "When the '88' heard about [the Virginia Tech shootings], they were elated, and they anxiously awaited confirmation of their assumption that the shooter was a misogynist American Caucasian male," said Broadhead. "One can only imagine how devastated they were when they learned he was Asian. They were already in a fragile state and, frankly, they didn't need that." (Related editorial here)
