CARBOLIC FLASHBACK: OUT OF IDEAS, HOLLYWOOD REMAKES TWO-YEAR OLD "LORD OF THE RINGS"
REMAKE FRENZY WILL SPAWN AS MANY AS SIX VERSIONS OF "KING KONG" IN 2007
HOLLYWOOD - Hollywood's dream factory has become a worn-out, retread workshop that is so unashamed of its hand-me-down ideas that next month it will churn out a remake of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King with an all-new cast, despite the fact the original is less than two years old.
In days long gone, only decades-old films were given the makeover treatment, long after the original had faded into obscurity. But the Rings remake underscores the trend to drastically reduce the time between the original and its facsimile. For instance, in June of 2006 Sony will release a remake of The Piano Teacher. If you've never heard of it, that's understandable. The original won't be released until next month.
"The average filmgoer has the long-term memory of an artichoke," said director Emil Tanaka, assigned to do the new Lord of the Rings. "When we release the 'Rings' remake, Mr. and Mrs. Moviegoer will say to themselves, 'Hmm, the name sounds vaguely familiar. Let's go see it.'"
Perhaps the most damning evidence that the major studios are bereft of original ideas is that in 2007, no fewer than four and as many as six versions of King Kong will be released. The second will be a remake of the first; the third, of the second, and so on.
Tanaka tried to sell Hollywood on the idea of redoing the comedy Groundhog Day, but with no takers. "It might be that the plot -- you know, the main character keeps reliving the same insipid events over and over -- hits too close to home for Hollywood," Tanaka said.