Commentary by Jason Kidd, Carbolic Smoke Ball's Teen Critic*You'd, like, never know it's Christmas by walking into church, dudes (and dudettes). They've got no Christmas tree, no Christmas lights, no mistletoe, no Frosty, no Rudolf. Not even a Santa.
Now contrast this pathetic scene, if you will, with the malls, which have been decked out in, like, full Christmas regalia for weeks. The fact is, if you're looking for Christmas, you'll sooner find it in Victoria's Secret which, as you can see from the picture I took, is selling these sweet Santa outfits for the ladies. Heh heh.
I asked my parish's pastor, Father Dale DeNinno, why the Church just doesn't get it about Christmas. As you would expect, I got a totally unsatisfactory answer. He fed me the usual blah-blah-blah about this being "Advent," a time for preparation, not Christmas, and that the Church knows more about Christmas than any institution because the Church promulgated it in the first place, etc. etc.
Just, like, drive a spike through my eye!
Dude, all you have to do is get in your car and drive down to the mall if you don't believe me about this: the world isn't "preparing" for Christmas, Christmas is here. And I got news for you: nobody except you is talking about "Advent."
When was the last time you saw an "Advent" greeting card or an "Advent" TV special? You're so busy "preparing" with your "Advent," you're going to miss Christmas altogether because it all ends December 25, dude.
The bottom line is that if you want to find Christmas, don't bother with the Church because it ain't there. You need to hop in your car and head to Victoria's Secret.
*Mr. Kidd appears courtesy of St. Elizabeth High School's Senior Class production of Pirates of Penzance.
