BAGHDAD - Over ten million Iraqi voters went to the polls yesterday and overwhelmingly approved a referendum to use tax dollars to build a new multi-purpose arena in downtown Baghdad. The complicated plan was crafted by a group of Shiite, Sunni and Kurdish leaders, along with NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, and would impose a one percent tax on the sale of all bullets and plastic explosives in the Greater Baghdad area.
Penguins owner Mario Lemieux immediately announced that the Penguins would be moving to Baghdad "about twenty minutes after construction of the new facility is completed." Lemieux said he was excited about bringing hockey to Iraq, adding that "the senseless violence in our sport makes it a natural for the Middle East."
When reporters asked if he would be keeping the name "Penguins," Lemieux smiled. "I don't know. The one I liked, but that the marketing people ruled out, is 'The Saddamites.'"
American Ambassador Zalmay Khalilzad said voter approval of the new arena signals that the average Iraqi is embracing the American model of urban redevelopment. "This is going to do wonders for downtown Baghdad night-life," he said. "Believe me, after five o'clock, this place is dead. You could shoot a cannon down main street and not hit anybody." Khalilzad's remarks were cut short, however, when someone decided to shoot a cannon down main street.
