Al-Qaeda Leader Boosts Morale By Cracking Wise, Juggling
BAGHDAD - The Al-Jazeera network broadcast a videotape this afternoon showing Al-Qaeda-in-Mesopotamia leader Abu Musab Zarqawi hosting what the CIA is describing as a variety-style show for hundreds of black-hooded followers. Zarqawi appears on camera wearing a flowered shirt and a fishing cap,holding a golf club in one hand and a sword in the other. He introduces himself as "Abu for Texaco Al-Zarqawi," and proceeds to deliver a monologue filled with zingers aimed at President Bush.
"And how about that infidel in the White House, isn't he wild?" Al-Zarqawi says in his monologue. "I sent him a new Titleist suicide golf ball for Christmas. You don't need a club to get it to the green -- it drives itself. And get this, it even pulls the pin when it gets there!"
After the monologue Zarqawi is seen spinning plates and juggling hand grenades. Towards the end of the tape he invites his wife Dolores on stage with him to sing a few duets, most notably, "The Sheik of Araby" and "Mr. Sandman." He concludes the show by thanking the insurgents for all that they're doing to drive the Crusaders from their land, assuring them that all of the folks currently hiding in caves, running from coalition forces or buried in sleeper cells around the world appreciate their contributions to global jihad. He then brings a figure clad from head to toe - possibly a woman - in a billowing black chador out from behind the curtain. "I just want you fellows to see what you've been fighting for!" he says, taking her hand and leading her around the stage. "Isn't she something? Believe me, those three-quarter inch eye slits leave everything to the imagination!" As wolf-whistles from the crowd ring out, Zarqawi says good night, promising he'll see them all in paradise.
Zarqawi was last seen on the road to Morocco.
