IRAN RESUMES NUCLEAR TESTING, U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL ASKS DR. PHIL FOR HELP DEALING WITH IRANIAN PRESIDENT


NEW YORK - Hours after Mohammad Saeedi, Deputy Head of Iran's Atomic Energy Organization, announced that Iran was removing the seals from it's nuclear facilities, a frustrated U.N. Secretary General Koffi Annan made an emergency visit to tele-therapist Dr. Phil McGraw asking for help in developing a strategy for dealing with an incorrigible head-of-state.

"I don't know what to do with him, Dr. Phil," said Annan. "I ask him not to develop nuclear weapons, and he says he won't. Then he turns around and starts developing them."

Dr. Phil, known for his no-nonsense approach to parenting, relationships and statecraft, was blunt. "You're sending him mixed messages, Koffi! Developing nuclear weapons is selfish, destructive behavior, and he needs to know that you won't tolerate it." Dr. Phil added it was about time Annan let Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad know that he needed to "get real." Dr. Phil then excoriated Annan for being "a weak-willed head of a weak-willed world-organization." At one point, he bellowed, "You make me sick, Koffi!" Annan repeatedly nodded his head in agreement. On at least two occasions, he was seen dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief. Despite his criticisms, at the conclusion of the show, Dr. Phil announced that he had agreed to perform an intervention on behalf of the U.N. in an attempt to get Iran to suspend its nuclear program. The intervention will air during the February sweeps.