PITTSBURGH - Scientists at the University of Pittsburgh, working from the same lab where Jonas Salk developed his polio vaccine in 1955, have put the toothpaste back in the tube.Dr. Chad Hermann, director of the two-year, $6 million study funded entirely with grants from the federal government, said that his team's breakthrough is at least as significant as Jonas Salk's.
"I mean, what Jonas did was great, OK? But you never hear anything about polio today," said Hermann. "[This study], on the other hand, has wide-ranging implications with respect to toothpaste and the like." Hermann conceded that the study "was never really about the toothpaste, which is just a metaphor, OK? This study was about not giving up on the lost causes, and about how the bad things can be reversed, you know what I mean?"
Hermann conceded that there are no practical applications for the study. "Look, I suppose if you squeezed the f*cking tube accidentally, it would be nice to be able to put the f*cking toothpaste back, OK?" Hermann snapped. "But aside from that, no, there's absolutely nothing useful about it, OK? See, that's why I came up with this metaphor thing, I mean after all we did spend $6 million so it better mean something."
