CHENEY ADMITS: "I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE AS WHEN I SHOT THAT GUY"WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney was arrested last night and released a short time later after driving through a Miami park and soliciting young men to be shot.
"He pulled up and, like, asked me if I'd try on this orange vest and get shot at," said Ryan Kidd, 22, who was playing basketball with a group of friends. "We all thought he was, like, some old pervert," said Kidd. "Then one of the guys goes, 'Whoa, that's Cheney.'" Kidd quickly put on the orange vest and was all set to allow Cheney to shoot him when police pulled up and stopped the Vice President from pulling the trigger. No charges will be filed "given the Vice President's unfortunate mental state," said Miami Chief of Police Tim Murray.
Cheney has developed what experts are calling a "pronounced fetish" for shooting men wearing orange vests since the February 11 shooting accident that injured 78 year old Harry Whittington, said psychiatrist Robert Attilla Haas. "Clinically," said Haas, "we in the left-wing psychiatric profession consider this to be an unhealthy behavior simply because of the firearm aspect, with it's attendant right-wing attributes."
Last weekend, Cheney "begged" an aide, to no avail, to drive him to the construction zone of the Washington D.C. beltway because, he said, "there are bound to be loads of guys in orange vests hanging around there, and chances are one of them would let their Vice President take a shot at him."
President Bush is said to be fuming over the Miami incident and has ordered Cheney to enter therapy immediately. "We can't have this nutty kind of stuff going on around here," Bush told one aide. Cheney, in turn, is said to be bristling at the President's attitude and was heard to mutter to his wife this morning that "at least I don't go around imagining that I see weapons of mass destruction."
