PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh City Council finally found a way to remove the controversial statue of Steelers patriarch Art Rooney that, until yesterday, sat outside Heinz Field. The statue has been the subject of numerous complaints dating to the time it flanked Gate "D" of Three Rivers Stadium. Last Saturday, Council declared the tiny plaza where the statue was situated a "no-smoking" zone, and yesterday it had the statue removed for violating the new law.
Council President Gene Ricciardi conceded that Council had been looking for "anything" to justify removing the two-ton likeness of "the Chief" for several years due to the inordinate number of complaints about it. "We receive more calls about the [Rooney] statue than anything else in the city," confirmed Police Chief Robert McNeilly. "I'd need fifty fewer officers without that unholy abomination, and as a result, Pittsburgh would be solvent."
Ricciardi and other Council members confronted the statue yesterday morning and demanded that it discard Rooney's trademark cigar. Observers say that although the statue sat silent and motionless, it bested Council in the ensuing debate. Police were called to lower the statue onto a flatbed so that it could be carted away to the Allegheny County Jail.
Complaints about the statue continued up to the time it was nabbed. "He's staring at me," said Helen Palsgraf of Squirrel Hill as she breastfed her infant on a nearby park bench. "And, how can I say this politely?" she added. "He's excited," she said, mistaking the natural lie of the statue's coat for a physiological reaction.
Others have claimed the statue is enchanted. Steeler coach Bill Cowher told police in August 2004 that "the Chief's likeness spoke to me -- he told me to start [Ben] Roethlisberger." Cowher confirmed yesterday that since that first encounter with the statue, he has sought advice from it on a regular basis but declined to cite specific topics. Insiders say that Cowher started frequenting local horse race tracks beginning in August 2004.
Numerous complaints have been lodged by people who mistake the statue for a homeless person harassing them for money, including one from Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sports columnist and playwright Gene Collier. Collier stumbled upon the statue on a dark night last August and beat it off with a newspaper. "Who the hell are you? Get a real job, like I have," scolded Collier. "Well, not like I have -- get a real job." Collier complained to police that the statue intentionally burned him with its cigar when he refused to give it money.
Former Pittsburgh Mayor Sophie Masloff saw the statue before last week's Steelers-Jaguars game and sadly exclaimed, "Look, there's Art Rooney looking for a handout." She forced a few dollars in its left hand.
Chief McNeilly explained that the Rooney likeness will be extradited to the same maximum-security quarry where the statue of Saddam Hussein, toppled in central Baghdad in April 2003, is being held.
Coach Cowher was visibly upset by the news. "My mind's in a whirl now that I can't consult the Chief. I mean, should I start Maddox? I don't know what to do. More important, who the hell's going to help me pick tomorrow's races at the Meadows?" the Coach asked. "I guess the lesson from all this is I shouldn't have taken the Chief for granite," said Cowher.
