SCAM ARTIST CAPTURED TRYING TO ESCAPE IN BALLOON WITH TEENAGE GIRL
KANSAS, E Pluribus Unum - The FBI today arrested the kingpin of an elaborate, international diploma mill scam, Frank Morgan, a/k/a "Professor Marvel," a/k/a "The Wizard," whose fake diploma operation was so big it may have grossed over $1 billion last year. Morgan was caught by undercover cameras issuing a fake diploma from the mythical "University of Oz" to an FBI-rigged scarecrow.
"This guy Morgan is slick," said FBI agent Emil Tanaka. "But he slipped up because the scarecrow we sent undercover expressly told him that it didn't even have a brain, yet Morgan gave him a diploma anyway."
But Morgan quickly figured out that he was being monitored so he hopped a balloon with his underage girlfriend, known only as Dorothy. "To no avail, I might add," said Agent Tanaka, "because he didn't know how to fly it."