PHILADELPHIA - Maryanne Palsgraf, 61, has been known to several generations of second grade students at Spiro T. Agnew Elementary School in Pleasant Hills, Pennsylvania as a taskmaster who requires perfection, whether it be coloring within the lines or not tracking snow into her classroom. "She runs her classroom like it's her own personal fiefdom," said Jeremy Collins, age 7, who asked not to be identified in this story for fear of reprisals.
Yesterday, Mrs. Palsgraf announced that the class would bury a time capsule in the schoolyard, not to be opened for fifty years. She allowed the class to select the items to insert in the capsule.
Without hesitation, the first item the class selected was Mrs. Palsgraf.
"We lured her to the back of the classroom," said Jeremy Collins as he colored a space ship attacking another space ship, "and three of my boys clubbed her till she was out cold. Then we called in these tough guys we hired, a couple of eighth graders who've hated Mrs. Palsgraf from back in the day. They cut her up into little pieces, and then we all shoved her in the time capsule."
The students plan to tell Mrs. Palsgraf's family about the incident when the time capsule is opened, 50 years from now. "We suspect there's some statute of limitations that'll protect us," said Jeremy Collins. "None of us can read well enough yet to figure that out."
