CARBOLIC FLASHBACK: BREAKING NEWS: Tom Cruise accidentally eats part of new daughter along with placenta

LOS ANGELES - Joy turned to tragedy this afternoon when Tom Cruise accidentally ate part of his newborn daughter, named L. Ronda Hubbard-Cruise, moments after his fiance, 27-year old Katie Holmes, gave birth. According to a nurse in the delivery room who asked not to be identified, Cruise was happily munching on placenta when "he just kept eating -- he must've thought the little girl was part of the placenta."

Katie Holmes witnessed Cruise's unintentional cannibalism and wanted to scream out, but the "silent birth" tenets of the Church of Scientology, to which she and Cruise belong, prevented it. After a struggle, the nurse pulled the ravenous Cruise away from the infant.

The little girl weighed 7 pounds 7 onces at birth, and 5 pounds 2 onces after Cruise ate part of her.