NEW YORK - Bishop Donald Wuerl of Pittsburgh was given the honor of picking up Pope Benedict XVI at New York's Kennedy Airport on the Pontiff's first visit to the United States last night, but Wuerl had a problem: he had no idea what the Pope looked like. "I was so used to the old Pope [John Paul II] that I have a hard time envisioning anybody else in the role," Wuerl said. "I guess the best analogy I can make, for people of a certain age and mentality, is when they replaced Curly with Shemp. It just wasn't right."
"But I'm afraid I just don't know what this Pope Benedict looks like. I mean, I know 'Eggs Benedict'; I know 'Benedict Arnold'; I even know 'Arnold Palmer.' But Pope Benedict? Sure, I've seen pictures, but he looks like a thousand other older guys," said Wuerl.
New York's Cardinal Egan came up with a solution. He ordered that a sign be made for Wuerl to hold at the airport with the current Pope's name on it.
Wuerl held the sign at the airport, but he still picked up the wrong guy. "It was the weirdest thing," Wuerl said. "The guy I picked up also happened to be named Pope Benedict. Turns out he's a regional manager for Radio Shack, but we really hit it off so we took in a ballgame at Shea, and he gave me a bunch of gift certificates from Radio Shack."
"I'm sorry I left the Pontiff stranded at the airport," Wuerl said, "but I did get this cool walkie-talkie set."
NOTE: BISHOP WUERL REFUSED TO RECREATE THE SCENE AT THE AIRPORT FOR THIS STORY SO THE PHOTOGRAPH ABOVE DEPICTS AN ACTOR PORTRAYING WUERL
