NSA says most Americans do not think agency is monitoring private phone calls

NSA SAYS AMERICANS EXPRESSED THIS OPINION IN PRIVATE PHONE CALLS IT MONITORED

WASHINGTON - The National Security Agency reports that most Americans do not believe that it is monitoring private phone calls but is merely tracking certain information relating to foreigners "vital to the war on terror." According to the NSA, this was the "overwhelming" consensus expressed by Americans in private phone calls it monitors.

The NSA also reports:

The inane telephone discussions among teenagers remained the agency's choice for "best comedic relief." The most amusing of all, they say, "were the ones involving ham-handed attempts at courtship."

Older women, the NSA reveals, often repeat themselves in telephone discussions with their peers, which is also a source of amusement for the agents monitoring calls.

Black women scream into the phone more than other groups, and most NSA agents do not enjoy monitoring their calls because of that.

"Numerous" fender benders occur while Americans are driving while using their cell phones.

The daughter of Pleasant Hills, Pennsylvania resident Carol Murray plans to lose her viginity on June 10, the last day of high school.