WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last week, President Bush ignited a firestorm of controversy when he spoke out against a Spanish version of "The Star Spangled Banner" dubbed "Our Anthem." The President declared that "people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn to sing the national anthem in English."In a press conference today, the President upped the ante in the debate when he boldly stated that the beloved Mexican folk song La Cucaracha also "ought to be sung in English." Upon making this pronouncement, the lights in the East Room dimmed and a lone spotlight illuminated the President. The President then softly sang an English translation of the familiar song:
"The cockroach, the cockroach
Now he can't go traveling
Because he doesn't have, because he lacks
Marijuana to smoke."
When he finished, Mr. Bush was barraged with angry questions from reporters. Some openly accused him of promoting racism.
"You've got it all wrong," the President explained. "Look, so long as they sing it in English, I don't even care if they have a heavy Mexican accent. In fact, the accent would lend it some authentic, third-world charm."
The President then spoke directly to Mexicans who are considering crossing the border illegally: "I want you to memorize these words from that great song I just sang: 'The cockroach, the cockroach, Now he can't go traveling.' What those words mean is, don't come traveling here, amigo. There ain't no marijuana here. ¿Comprende?"
