WASHINGTON - Calling it one of America's most under-reported problems, President Bush says he is "completely fed up" with the wait staffs of the nation's chain restaurants singing versions of "Happy Birthday" that no one else knows or sings. "'Happy Birthday to You' is the most popular song in the English language," the President said. "But the crap they sing at these restaurants -- ten seconds after they're done clapping their hands and singing these new age things, you can't even hum the damn song. That's why we're sending a bill up to Capitol Hill that will outlaw these bastardized versions."
Bush said that "at long last" he's found his identity -- he wants to be known as "the Birthday President."
