PITTSBURGH - In a shocking confession that took even Allegheny County District Attorney Stephen Zappala off guard, Steeler back-up quarterback Charlie Batch admitted this morning to this news source that he paid assassin Martha Fleishman, 62 of Squirrel Hill, $50,000 to "mow down Ben [Roethlisberger]" yesterday so that Batch would become the team's starting quarterback. Batch said he "had no choice but to confess" because he slipped up in an interview on Channel 11 last night. "I was the only Pittsburgher who didn't express outrage, betrayal and self-pity over the fact that Ben wasn't wearing a helmet." After he realized his slip, Batch figured it was "just a matter of time before they got me."
Batch also confessed to hiring Fleishman last season to toss garbage on Tommy Maddox's front lawn "to drive him out of town."
Fleishman has long been linked as a possible suspect in the John F. Kennedy assassination.
