TEHRAN - Former Pittsburgh Steeler running back Rocky Bleier, who travels around the world delivering motivational speeches designed to show how ordinary people can do extraordinary things, blamed his agent for booking him to appear before a suicide bomber seminar at Tehran’s Khajeh Nasir University today. Mohammed Ali, a spokesman for Martyrdom Seekers, the group that organized the on-campus seminar, was unimpressed with Bleier. “We had him come on right after a thirty minute video montage of suicide attacks against Israeli settlements. The crowd was in a state of total rapture. Then he starts with the Vietnam thing. You could just feel the air go out of the room,” said Ali. Bleier, who “sees parallels between his past challenges and the challenges all business people face in today’s competitive environment,” described the experience as a “similar to my broadcasting days at WIIC [Channel 11 in Pittsburgh]. In other words,” he said, “it was a total disaster.” Bleier said he was unable to reconcile the students' desire to die for God with his irrepressible drive to become an integral part of the "Super Steelers" dynasty of the 1970’s. “I tried explaining to them how the unity of purpose that helped our team to win four championships in six years could help them achieve their own goals, like destroying Israel, or obtaining nuclear weapons, or landing that dream job. But everything was 'Zionist this' and 'Zionist that.' They were a tough crowd.”
Bleier agreed to waive his usual speaking fee in return for his life and safe passage out of the country. He said he planned on looking for a new agent “as soon as I stop shaking.” The Martyrdom Seekers are hosting a mixer this Friday afternoon at the Ayatollah Khomeini Student Union from four o’clock to six o’clock. Anyone interested in entering Paradise in multiple pieces is asked to attend.
