NEW YORK - Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig today banned golfer John Daly from baseball for life following revelations in Daly's biography that he has gambled away between $50 and $60 million."Baseball imposes this drastic punishment after much reflection and only as a last resort," said a somber Selig.
Daly, playing a round of golf with businessmen in Spain, was outraged when he heard the news. "This is bogus!" he cried. His golfing companions reminded Daly that, in fact, he has no involvement with baseball and that the ban will have no effect on him. Still, Daly fumed. "It's just the whole idea of it."
Critics dismissed the ban as a diversion tactic to keep the public from focusing on the steroid scandal that has engulfed baseball the past several months. But Selig begs to differ. "Major League Baseball sniffs out depravity wherever it is found, and if that makes our critics uncomfortable, then so be it."
Selig also announced that, in addition to Daly, Major League Baseball is investigating possibly banning Osama bin Laden and Lee Harvey Oswald (the latter posthumously).
