PITTSBURGH - Mr. and Mrs. Bradleys Roadhouse, seated in Section 9, Row F near the visitors dugout at PNC Park during Saturday night's game between the Pirates and Reds, got an unwanted surprise in the fourth inning. That's the inning the Pirate Parrot traditionally launches tightly packed hot dogs into the crowd from his "hot dog shooter," which resembles a hand-held cannon. For reasons the Pirates are still investigating, in Saturday's game it wasn't hot dogs the Parrot was shooting.
Pirates General Manager Dave Littlefield issued a prepared statement that explained what happened: "The Pirates deeply regret that somehow during our popular hot dog-shoot launch last Saturday, several simulated novelty male organs were launched into the stands instead of our usual plump, all-beef franks. An examination of the offending items revealed that they were of the kosher variety, partially skinless. We are cognizant of and deeply regret the trauma this incident may have caused families who came to PNC Park for wholesome entertainment, as well as those male recipients of the item who don't quite measure up. The Pirates are investigating this matter."
A flushed Mrs. Roadhouse described what happened: “I don’t eat ‘hot dogs’ for religious reasons, but I do enjoy watching the Parrot shoot off a frankfurter now and again. On this particular occasion, he cocked his cannon, and I it spewed something into the air. The next thing I knew, I looked down in my husband's lap and saw something that didn't belong there: a large package. I reached over and grabbed what I thought was a hot dog."
Although Mrs. Roadhouse claimed to be mortified, her husband said "she took particular delight in whipping that monster out of its wrapper."
That wasn't the only snafu during the game. Later, during the t-shirt toss, some fans received female underwear instead of the usual t-shirt. 80-year old usher Hank Sepp passed out when he caught a glimpse of what had been tossed to the crowd. The culprits of this prank turned out to be the the slingshot shooters. “We were in the changing room before the game,” explained Ballgirl Velveeta Lugosi, “and I go, ‘Like, let’s shoot off our panties tonight,’ and the other girls go, like, ‘OK’.”
Mr. Littlefield said that the female underwear incident "was just an innocent prank" that warrants no disciplinary action. In fact, the Pirates are considering repeating it in future games.