PITTSBURGH - Jason Bay found himself atop all National League outfielders in fan balloting for the All-Star game today, and he has one man to thank for it: the Pirates' special "All-Star Game Consultant," Richard J. Daley, former Mayor of Chicago. "When I was looking for a man to spearhead our effort to get Jason elected, the choice was easy," said Pirates General Manager Dave Littlefield. "It had to be 'Da Mare,' the last of the big city bosses."
But with four days left for voting, Daley said he's not celebrating yet. "You remember how close it was when I got Jack Kennedy elected in 1960?" said Mayor Daley. "Well, this one's going to be closer, so we need to exhilerate the program. With hard work, we shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievement."
Mayor Daley became indignant when questioned about historical rumors that he sometimes engaged in ballot manipulation to win elections. "I'm going to get Bay elected the same way I win every election," barked the Mayor. "With my network of local precinct captains, who marshal and deliver the votes on a neighborhood-by-neighborhood basis." The Mayor smiled: "After all, I wasn't hired to create disorder, I was hired to preserve disorder."
