CINCINNATI, Ohio - Consumer product behemoth Proctor & Gamble today announced that following a series of grueling tests, Old Glory's colors really do run when washed.
"Patriotic slogan aside, we tried Cheer®, we tried Downey®, and guess what? The flag looked like the gay rainbow when it came out of the washer," said P&G Chairman George Fenneman. "Not that that's a bad thing, but I think this patriotism is a bunkum."
In a private interview, Fenneman also told a reporter that the urban legend regarding Proctor & Gamble's corporate logo is true. "Yes, it is a satanic symbol," Fenneman whispered. He eyes nervously darted around the room. "There are sinister forces at work in this company, but the last person to say that out loud ended up as a roll of Charmin® . . ." Fenneman heard someone walking down the hall and quickly terminated the interview.