GEORGE M'S LIKENESS LEERS AT "GOOD LOOKING" GUY DURING TIRADE AT TIME'S SQUARENEW YORK - Thousands of stunned visitors at Times Square today heard the voice of Broadway's patron saint, George M. Cohan, for the first time in almost 64 years as it scolded the Great White Way for "debasing its heritage with coarse and loathsome lewdness."
Eyewitnesses say that bustling 42nd Street came to a stop at noon as a voice that old timers swear was Cohan's boomed from the famous likeness of the man who gave the world Give My Regards to Broadway, You're a Grand Old Flag, Yankee Doodle Boy, and Over There. Some terrified witnesses cried and a few fainted. The statue chose today to address Broadway apparently because it would have been Cohan's 118th birthday.
"He went on at considerable length about the impropriety of nudity in Broadway shows," said 23-year old New York University student Adam Kidd. "He was especially hung up, pardon the pun, on the male organ, and he used all manner of euphemism for it, at one point he even broke into song about it to the tune of his hit 'Harrigan.'" Kidd said that following the statue's tirade, it suddenly turned its head and leered at him before returning to its well-known pose. "It's the first time I've ever been objectified by a pidgeon perch," he said.
Among the eyewitnesses was Broadway icon Nathan Lane who said he found it "ironic that we were given a lecture about morality by a man who lied about being born on the fourth of July just to sell a song."
