PITTSBURGH - The terror alert in Pittsburgh was elevated to "red" following yesterday's announcement that Israeli-born Yarone Zober became deputy mayor and is running the city during Mayor Bob O'Connor's disability. Even usually Pollyannish Mayoral spokesperson Dick Skrinjar could not muster an optimistic spin. "Hezbollah's going to wipe us off the planet, totally destroy us, pulverize us into oblivion," Skrinjar grimly said. "We're doomed."
Mayoral aide Dennis Regan explained that Mayor O'Connor didn't realize Zober was even Jewish, much less that he was Israeli-born when the Mayor appointed him. "The Mayor just thought he had a neat name," said Regan. "As for me, I honestly thought the guy was Greek or something."
"I want to assure the people of Pittsburgh that if we had any idea this Jewish guy was going to threaten our very existence," Regan said, "we'd have hung onto those three traitors and kicked Yarone out on his can."
