ONCE THEY REACH HAVANA, THEY'LL BE SHOT ON SIGHT WHILE HEALTHY FIDEL WATCHES WITH GLEE FROM SIDELINESMIAMI - The CIA has uncovered startling evidence that Fidel Castro is faking a supposedly serious illness in order to lure Cuban exiles living in Miami back to Havana. The exiles are convinced that Fidel is in his final days, and they want to be home when he dies.
But the joke's on them. According to the CIA, once they step foot in Havana, they will be shot on sight by the Cuban army, while a laughing -- and healthy -- Fidel watches from the sidelines.
"It's one of the most diabolical plots in history," said Robertos Roadhouse, the CIA's Latin American Bureau Chief, pictured above, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "Fully half of Miami is contemplating heading to Havana because they think Fidel is dying, but they're in for the surprise of their lives when they get there."
"The one good thing is that Fidel will only get away with this trick one time," said Roadhouse. "After he slaughters the first wave of returning exiles, the rest probably will realize it's best to keep away."
