DICK SKRINJAR HAS MELTDOWN, THREATENS REPORTERS WITH PHYSICAL HARM IF THEY DON'T STOP LISTENING TO MAYOR'S PHYSICIANS

PITTSBURGH - Mayoral spokesman Dick Skrinjar lost control of himself at a press briefing this morning and angrily rebuked reporters for attending a medical briefing by Mayor O'Connor's physicians last week. With veins in his neck bulging and spittle oozing from the corners of his mouth, Skrinjar slammed his desk and screamed at the top of his lungs. "Who are you going to believe, me or those overpaid doctors who don't have the city's best interest at heart?" Skrinjar swiped his arm across the desk, sending papers, pens and family photographs to the floor. "The doctors don't know what they're talking about. The Mayor is fine, fine, I tell you. Read my lips: The cancer cells are dead. The Mayor just needs to regain his strength." With eyes closed, Skrinjar cocked his head toward the ceiling and let loose a primal scream while repeatedly beating his chest. Deputy Mayor Yarone Zober quietly entered the office and led reporters out, closing the door behind him.