CASTRO A NO-SHOW AT BIRTHDAY BASH, FEARED GRAVELY ILL; DICK SKRINJAR HEADS TO CUBA TO ORCHESTRATE DAMAGE CONTROL

HAVANA - Fidel Casto failed to make an appearance at his delayed 80th birthday party celebration, prompting analysts to speculate that he is gravely ill. Cuba's acting President, Raul Castro, brother of Fidel, announced this afternoon that Pittsburgh's mayoral spokesman Dick Skrinjar is en route to Havana to serve as Presidential spokesman in order to "allay fears about the health of our President, Fidel Castro."

Skrinjar said in a phone interview that Fidel Castro "is fine, never better, in fact I just spoke with him. He just finished playing tennis. He's giving orders and can't wait to get back to work. He just had a little stomach problem, that's all, but he's resting comfortably and is on the road to recovery. He'll be back in the President's Palace in a very short time."