PITTSBURGH - Heavily armed shock troops took to the streets downtown, police officers barked at pedestrians to fetch some cranberry sauce and Mayor O’Connor wore a beak-proof vest yesterday as reports of a turkey in the heart of the "golden triangle" triggered a massive police response, bringing traffic to a standstill and shutting down businesses. Several nervous callers to 911 described a turkey, possibly delicious, in the bushes of a garden in Gateway Plaza near the Boulevard of the Allies. Police immediately closed off streets in the area. Chief Dom Costa said that he wanted to assure the general public that “apprehending this monster is our top priority.” Mayor O’Connor, addressing a group of homeless men carrying forks and knives, pleaded for calm. “Despite the fact that many of you look awfully hungry, I beg you not to take matters – or this bird – into your own hands. Let the professionals handle this.” Just then, O'Connor turned around and saw Governor Rendell's limosine pulling up. "Here he is now," said O'Connor.
Rendell, known as much for his voracious appetite as for his generosity in giving away taxpayer money, immediately took control of the situation and called for a state trooper to "find me an oven-safe meat thermometer and plenty of stuffing."
