PITTSBURGH - WEAE Radio talk-show host Mark Madden issued a press release yesterday announcing that he has decided to enter a Catholic monastery where he can “spend the remainder of his days contemplating the mysteries of the only entity in the universe worthy enough to call me peer, God.” Madden, who is known for his acerbic wit and extraordinary intellect, was unavailable for comment. A WEAE Radio spokesman said that Madden had taken a vow of silence, and was busy making travel arrangements. Madden is expected to meet with officials from the Order of Cistercians of the Strict Observance in Peosta, Iowa this weekend. Once his induction ceremony into the Trappist Brotherhood is completed, Madden will devote the rest of his life to doing penance, and praying. Madden’s press release said “he is excited about the opportunity to finally speak to someone on his level.” Despite the fact he will no longer communicate verbally, WEAE General Manager Dennis Begley said that Madden would continue doing his popular show every weekday. “The sheer force of Mark’s will and the aura surrounding him will be enough to fill four hours of airtime. We’re confident the same people tuning in now to hear what Mark is going to say are going to be just as interested to hear what he’s not going to say.”
