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PITTSBURGH - The steroids scandal that has rocked baseball leapt off the field and into the stands last night when popular PNC Park vendor Tom "T.C." Congdon was nabbed by Federal authorities on suspicion of using performance enhancing anabolic steroids. "I remember T.C. when he was skinny and frail and looked exactly like Mahatma Gandhi," said Pirates broadcaster Lanny Frattare. "Then, over the course of one winter, he turned into Mr. America, a real hunk." Rumors have spread for years that Congdon "is on something," and many fans have openly wondered how he is able to spew a steady barrage of one-liners while toting a heavy beer tray up and down long aisles in ferocious heat. Congdon attributes his stamina and his changed physique to a strict regimen of bodybuilding and legitimate dietary supplements. He admits, however, to having used a rubbing balm comprised of flaxseed oil, but claims he didn't think it was a steroid.
