"HE WAS A FLAMING HETEROSEXUAL!" SOBS CURATOR TOM SOKOLOWSKI; MUSEUM'S CACHET DESTROYEDPITTSBURGH - Tom Sokolowski, curator of the Warhol Museum, held a tearful press conference this morning to announce that the museum has discovered a box belonging to Andy Warhol, previously unopened since the famous artist's death in 1987, that contains a stash of dog-eared Playboy Magazines. Warhol's distinctive doodling appears "on numerous pages" throughout the collection, Sokolowski explained.
Sokolowski said that the box was discovered in May and that he initially "felt certain" the magazines could not have belonged to Warhol. "Unfortunately,after a series of scientific tests, the magazines were found to contain traces of disturbing, frankly vile, DNA evidence showing conclusively that Mr. Warhol utilized the magazines," Sokolowski explained without further elaboration. At this point, the shaken curator burst into tears and had to be led from the room.
Experts are divided as to the long-term effect the discovery will have on Warhol's reputation and the museum's future. Sokolowski candidly told a reporter that "they might as well shut down the joint today."
The Warhol Museum also confirmed that experts are investigating the authenticity of the contents of another box allegedly belonging to Warhol that contains gun and hunting magazines.
