PITTSBURGH - The case of the "penis" in the microwave was settled yesterday with an agreement on a disorderly conduct plea. Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, has agreed to take full responsibility for the incident in which she asked a clerk at a McKeesport GetGo convenience store to warm up a penis-shaped device in the store's microwave. When the object gave off an odor, the clerk checked on it and found what she thought was a real penis. She reported it to police. Ms. Creighton agreed to plead guilty to disorderly conduct.
Area television news directors are relieved that the story has run its course as they have struggled for months to comply with federally mandated broadcast standards of decency when reporting this bizarre incident. KDKA reporter Bob Allen, who first reported the story on the morning news, used a variety of euphemisms to avoid saying the word “penis” over the air. In the course of a two minute and twenty-five second remote from the site of the incident, Allen described the errant penis as “human male genitalia"; "a sensitive male body part"; "schlong"; "microwave-heated throbbing missile of desire"; "woo-hoo"; "south-of-the-border love rod"; "royal scepter of the crown jewels"; "every guy's favorite upstanding citizen"; and "permanent resident of my personal nuthouse.” Allen also frequently made animated gestures pointing to his crotch. On one broadcast, for the last thirty seconds of his story, Allen’s voice was heard while the camera remained focused on his trousers.
WTAE news director Bob Longo said the local stations had no choice but to be "extra sensitive" about how they reported this matter. “We’re living in a time of new Puritanism. Sally Wiggin teased viewers by telling them that 'Coming up a little later in the broadcast we’ve got a real cock and bull story.' Two hours ago, our lawyers were informed that the FCC was planning to slap us with a one million dollar fine.”
Longo said that Wiggins' most embarrassing moment occurred the day the incident was first reported, when police thought the device was a real human member. She started to read the story: "Allegheny County Police are asking all local males to perform a thorough examination of their genitals as soon as possible." At this Wiggin started to giggle. "If, after checking," she strained to continue, "anyone discovers their penis is missing, they are asked to call the Allegheny County Police Department." By this point Wiggin was laughing so hard she had to be escorted from the news set.
