PITTSBURGH - In a move blasted by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell as "completely antithetical to the spirit of competition, grossly unfair, and utterly without precedent in the history of our league," new Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl admitted he issued an executive order authorizing the interception of electronic communication between the Miami Dolphins coaching staff in a field box and Miami Dolphins head coach Nick Saban. The program began immediately prior to last night’s game between the Steelers and the Dolphins. Mayor Ravenstahl said it will resume in two weeks when the Steelers host the Cincinnati Bengals. Ravenstahl was unapologetic. "I did what Lincoln would have done," he said, adding, "especially if the Steelers were involved." Ravenstahl refused to say whether or not he had shared the information obtained with members of the Pittsburgh Steelers coaching staff. He did, however, tell reporters that "the actions undertaken, at my direction, were done to protect the citizens of Steelers nation, and that they thwarted numerous Dolphin offensive attacks in the process." When investigative reporter Seymour Hersh asked the Mayor if he had given any thoughts about the privacy rights of the members of the Miami Dolphins, Ravenstahl landed a solid right hand to his solar plexus. "And here’s another right, Seymour," he snarled, sending Hersh to the floor with a right hand to the chin. "Anybody else want to talk about rights?" Ravenstahl asked. "I’ll give you so many rights you’ll be begging for a left!"
News that Pittsburgh officials were listening in on discussions between Dolphins quarterback Daunte Culpepper and his offensive coordinator was first disclosed in a New York Times article published this morning. Ravenstahl promised he’d be "delivering a little chin music" to the Times Executive Editor Bill Keller the next time he visited Gotham.
