Private banking documents obtained by this news source show that the Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway has maxed out on his credit cards and is unable to make even the minimum monthly payments. Gorat's Steak House in Omaha, a favorite Buffett hangout, told him his credit is no longer good there and that he'll be served only if he pays with cash in advance. Last night Buffett was seen on the sidewalk outside the restaurant imploring complete strangers to "lend me a hand so I can buy dinner." Several diners recognized the investing sage and pitched in to buy him a steak. Other witnesses claim that in recent days Buffett has made repeated trips to E-Z Money Pawn Shop, toting all manner of personalty.
The 76-year old Buffett angrily claims that Bill Gates conned him out of his fortune by "confusing and sweet-talking" him with promises that monuments would be erected in his honor. Buffett told this news source that "Gates could sell snow to an Eskimo. I'm an addled-brained old man. Imagine, having me fork over $42 billion for the downtrodden! I mean, how much money do these downtrodden need?"
Gates flatly dismisses what he refers to as Buffett's "bellyaching" and claims that Buffett's gift not only was "perfectly legal" but is very much needed by the Gates Foundation. "We have used every penny of Mr. Buffet's gift. The fact of the matter is that some of the downtrodden the Foundation serves have very expensive tastes," said Gates. "I plan to make good on my promise to put Warren's name on monuments, or whatever the hell I promised him," Gates explained. "But he ain't getting the money back."
*For the people in Nebraska who, according to our site meter, are looking at this posting with such care this morning, we will share with you what the rest of our readers already know: it is a spoof.