HERE ARE THE HEADLINES WE REPORTED TODAY:*A train derailment at Carnegie Science Center’s Miniature Railroad and Village dumped two ounces of ethanol and forced the evacuation of 30 miniature homes. One homeowner said he saw flames shoot four inches into the air, and the explosion felt like someone bumped the platform with his knee.
*Madonna bows to media pressure and is returning Luke Ravenstahl to the African village where she adopted him.
*This one’s not a hoax: A dirty bomb was dropped at Happy Valley last weekend -- by Joe Paterno, in his pants. A HazMat team was called in for the clean-up.
*Declaring that panhandling is a high-growth industry, Mayor Ravenstahl met with bums at a public hearing in Market Square and said, "I can think of no better way to honor the contributions of our leading panhandlers than to change the name of this hallowed square to ‘Wino Central.”
*Halloween decorating has gotten competitive in Mt. Lebanon. One family is offering free burial space in their front yard to the recently deceased. Not to be outdone, their next door neighbors are out to scare the bejeebers out of the borough by showing the 2006 Pirates highlight video in their front yard.
*More violence in Iraq: Shiites gunned down Sunni Corleone on the Causeway in retaliation for Michael Corleone’s murder of Sollozzo Hussein.
*Pittsburgh Brewing has issued a commemorative Chapter 11 beer Bottle that says, “We are broke.”
