The following are the four most important rules I learned during my years of practicing law. If you follow them, I guarantee you that your practice will thrive:(1) If the other side likes you, you're not doing your job. (In my best cases, I realized I was doing a great job only when I got to the point that I even hated myself.)
(2) Always blame Buffalo. (When dealing with an opponent, just claim: “I can’t do this deal, the home office in Buffalo won’t allow it.” Or, “Buffalo is stopping me”; “Buffalo says no.” Everyone should have a Buffalo!)
(3) Always use up the client's retainer before settling a case. (This rule is perhaps the most important of all.)
(4) Never allow a dog in the house whose genitalia is substantially more impressive than your own. (This rule speaks for itself.)
