KDKA PROMOTIONS FOR MARTY GRIFFIN REPORTS LEAD TO RASH OF SUICIDES

PITTSBURGH - Pittsburgh Police have determined that KDKA promotions for reports by Marty Griffin have had led to "dozens, perhaps hundreds" of suicides similar to the one earlier this month that followed the station's promo accusing a local minister of "public and illegal sexual behavior." Police are compiling a complete list of suicides directly related to promos for Griffin stories and said it includes, among many others, Kurt Cobain, Jim Jones, Freddie Prinze, George Reeves and Joseph Goebbels.

KDKA general manager Chris Pike said the station would have no comment about the suicides except to express condolences to the families of the deceased. Pike proceeded to justify the promos by explaining that KDKA had "conducted extensive investigations into reports of behavior by each [of the suicide victims] that would have yielded stories appealing to the prurient interests of the station's audience during crucial sweeps periods."