MORGANTOWN - Martha Stewart broadcast her popular television show, "Martha Stewart Living," live from the campus of West Virginia University Thursday evening. The University was selected by Ms. Stewart because it has a long history of "spontaneous, violent eruptions." The show aired immediately following the conclusion of the football game between West Virginia and the University of Pittsburgh. Ms. Stewart said she looked forward to showing rowdy Mountaineer fans the best way to burn furniture. Guests included WVU President David C. Hardesty, Jr., who shared his favorite recipe for squirrel stew, and United States Senator Robert Byrd, who led a drunken mob in a ceremonial tipping of the first car. The Senator declined offers to join the mob in flipping a school bus. "Maybe ten years ago, gang," he hollered. "But not tonight."
Speaking to reporters before the show, Ms. Stewart beamed. "There is no better way to celebrate a new promotion, an anniversary, or a football victory than by dousing a favorite couch or chair in kerosene and setting it aflame," she said. "However, it's important to remember when choosing the furniture you're going to burn that some fabrics are more flammable than others." When asked to choose her preferred furniture for burning, she responded without hesitation. "Anything from Value City makes a delightful fireball against the night sky," she said, before adding her catch-phrase, "and that's a good thing."
Ms. Stewart said she hoped the information provided by her show would allow Mountaineer fans to have a more enjoyable post-victory riot. "And for additional tips," she added, "including the best way to make a Molotov cocktail, visit my web-site."
