REPORT: "MOST WHO CLAIM TO BE VICTIMS OF IDENTITY THEFT ARE THE KIND OF PEOPLE NO ONE ELSE WOULD WANT TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE"

WASHINGTON - A new FBI report concluded that legitimate cases of "identity theft" are extremely rare and that most people who claim to be victims are "wacko fringe members of society are so seriously deranged that no self-respecting criminal would want to steal their identity in the first place."

FBI Director Robert Mueller said: "Our study shows that the people who make these claims are usually the same ones who claim they were abducted by aliens. In some rare cases, they claim the aliens also stole their identity."

The study concludes that given the slight risk of legitimate identity theft, there is no necessity to refuse to give out personal information on the internet; shred documents containing personal information; or avoid opening unsolicited emails.