WASHINGTON, D.C. - Donald H. Rumsfeld resigned as Secretary of Defense today, to be replaced by Robert Gates. President Bush made the abrupt announcement in a post-election news conference. "Secretary Rumsfeld and I agreed that sometimes it's necessary to have a fresh perspective," Bush said. Rumsfeld spoke briefly and said that he planned to spend more time with his six grandchildren.
One of Rumsfeld's grandchildren, speaking on condition of anonymity, spoke on behalf of the others: "What makes that scary old man think we want to spend more time with him? We already see enough of him. I mean, what the hell does he intend to do with us that requires such inordinate amounts of time that he has to quit his job? Hang out with us at the mall? Frankly, we'd prefer that he keep collecting that big paycheck, for obvious reasons."
