PITTSBURGH - The Pittsburgh Steelers, emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted after enduring another beating in Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos, were visited by the Holy Spirit of Jerome Bettis this morning. Emboldened by the Spirit, the Steelers began to speak in tongues and utterances, vowing to go forth and do good works, starting with next week’s game against the New Orleans Saints. Bettis, who ascended to a network analyst position with NBC after miraculously raising the Steelers playoff hopes from the dead and leading them to a Super Bowl championship last February, made his appearance in dramatic fashion. "We were assembled in an upper chamber at Heinz Field," said Ben Roethlisberger. "Suddenly, their came a sound from heaven, as of a rushing, mighty wind, and it filled the whole room." Roethlisberger said shortly thereafter, tongues of fire appeared over the head of each player.
Big Ben went on to say that he hoped NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell would allow the Steelers to play with the tongues of fire over their helmets for the remainder of the season. However, Commissioner Goodell remains undecided on the matter. Speaking to reporters at his weekly news conference, Goodell expressed concern over whether the flames provide a competitive advantage to the Steelers. "This could make them unbeatable the rest of the way," he said. After the Saints, the Steelers go on the road to face the Parthians, the Medes, the Elamites, the Cappadocians, the Phrygians, the Pamphylians and the Mesapotamians. "We also would like to sit down with the Holy Spirit of Jerome and work out the details of a licensing agreement, so the flames could become the exclusive property of the National Football League," said Goodell. The Commissioner said he expects to make a decision later in the week.
