President Bush Admits Failed Iraq Policy Stems From Misreading 'My Pet Goat' As An Allegory

WASHINGTON - President Bush candidly admitted that failings in his Iraq policy stem from his misinterpreting "My Pet Goat" as a allegory. Bush was reading the story, actually titled "The Pet Goat," with a group of school children on September 11, 2001 in Sarasota, Florida when he got word of the World Trade Center attacks.

The story centers around a girl's goat that eats everything in its path to the chagrin of the girl's parents who want to be rid of it. In the end, the goat emerges as a hero when it butts a would-be car thief into submission.

White House press secretary Tony Snow explained that for the past five years, the President interpreted the goat to be the U.S. military which is forced to battle both the liberal congress (the girl's parents in the story) and Islamic fascists (the would-be car thief). "Given the significant emotion of the day [September 11], that book left a searing impression on the President," Snow said. "He based his entire Mid-East policy on the lessons he gleaned from it."

The problem, Snow said, was that the day the President read the story, he was interrupted by "nameless persons" who "broke his concentration" by apprising him of the World Trade Center attacks. "That was unfortunate," said Snow. Ever since, Bush has talked on and off about re-reading the book without interruption but "just never got around to it." A disgusted Snow explained: "He could have re-read it a hundred times for all the times he's talked about re-reading it."

Finally last night the President set aside four hours and studiously labored through the fifteen-page story. This time he read it in an entirely new light. "On closer reading," Snow said, "the President concluded that the story has nothing whatsoever to do with the Mid-East, or the American military. It's just a story about a very heroic goat who thwarts a crime."
Snow said the President "fully supports the goat in his efforts to help bring law and order to the streets of our inner city neighborhoods." Snow added that Bush also plans to announce an immediate pull-out of American troops from Iraq, which he will call "Operation Cut and Run."