ACTOR ATKINS THINKS HE REALLY IS ART ROONEY, ORDERS DAN ROONEY TO HIRE WHISENHUNT

PITTSBURGH - Following Saturday night's sell-out performance of The Chief at the O'Reilly Theater, the one-man show about Steelers patriarch Art Rooney starring the dean of Pittsburgh actors Tom Atkins, numerous witnesses reported that Atkins actually behaved as if he really was Rooney.

"It was the damnedest thing," director Ted Pappas said. "Tom approached Dan [Rooney] in the lobby and began berating him in front of hundreds of people for dragging his feet hiring Ken Whisenhunt" to replace Bill Cowher, who resigned as head coach of the Steelers on Friday. "Tom acted like he was Dan's father, there's no other way to describe it."

"What the hell's taking so long, Dan?" Atkins scolded Dan Rooney, in his best "Chief" voice. "Didn't your mother and I teach you better than that? Kenny's our kind of guy, a real Pittsburgher who doesn't put on airs and go around actin' like a big shot. When the hell you gonnna hire him?"

"At first everyone thought it was a joke," said Pappas. "But Tom kept it up, and he was really angry. I saw Dan's face break out in a cold sweat, the way it would if his old man was really standing there yelling at him."

"I was speechless," said Dan Rooney. "I could have sworn it was my father because at one point he ran off to a pay phone to check on a horse race."